MACHINE HEAD Frontman Whacking Off In Dubai

MACHINE HEAD frontman Robb Flynn has issued the following update:

"Been hanging out in Dubai for the last 24 hours; man, what a crazy, modern, cool, surprisingly Americanized city. Something like one-fifth of the world's high-rise cranes are currently in Dubai building high rises. I'm tellin' ya, in 15 years this city will look like 'Blade Runner'!

"We're getting ready to play the Dubai Desert Rock festival again, which is gonna be awesome!!! We're the first band in the festival's history to play the festival twice, so as anchorman Ron Burgundy would say, 'It's kind of a big deal!!' Once again, they've treated us like fucking royalty, and it's damn cool I must say. I'm looking forward to seeing all the bands on the bill, as we know pretty much all of them, so it should be fun. AND they sell Grey Goose vodka now, so it's fuckin' ON!!! Next stop, CRUNKVILLE!!!

"It's funny though, Dubai being a Middle Eastern country and all, they've sent us a long, LONG list of things we can't do onstage, including, but not limited to: drink alcohol onstage *cough*, swear onstage *cough, cough, cough*, take our shirts off onstage (not that anyone needs to see my 'hate'-handles),take our pants off onstage (they actually could stand to see my well-chiseled buttocks),flirt with local women (uh...),not to mention the fact that a JOINT will get you 20 years!!! But they rock the fuck out like few countries we've been to, so it's a killer time. We, of course, plan on obeying every rule! These fuckers have even blocked all my favorite porn sites, as the government-controlled Internet doesn't allow people to view porn, MySpace, Facebook, etc.!!! Don't they know that the Internet is for porn??!! Thankfully, I got some insider info on how to get around the web-block from some local kids here, and was able to finally get to my glorious porn sites. As Dave [McClain, MACHINE HEAD drummer] joked, 'Dude, you got some tech support for whacking off!!!' Yeah... take THAT, government-controlled Internet!!!

"I'm gonna give a wrap up of HELLYEAH soon, and we will post some video of that tour soon as well. Gonna try and get some cool footage from these crazy places too, I was even thinking about interviewing some local kids to talk about their metal scene, and maybe ask them some questions about being a metalhead in the Middle East, where it really is almost dangerous, and the Government can come down and squash you... for real. I don't know if it'll happen, but just something I've been thinking about."