Rock Critic Could Have Role In MÖTLEY CRÜE Flick

Ross Raihala of the St. Paul Pioneer Press is reporting that an unexpected character may pop up in the impending big-screen version of MÖTLEY CRÜE's 2001 tell-all book, "The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band".

That character? Rock critic and "Fargo Rock City" author Chuck Klosterman.

A draft of the screenplay landed in the lap of Klosterman, a North Dakota native who's now a senior writer for Spin magazine and a columnist for Esquire.

Klosterman appears during the credit sequence debating the merits of MÖTLEY CRÜE — who play the Target Center tonight — with MTV's Kurt Loder on a fake "Crossfire"-type show.

After Loder dismisses the CRÜE as leaders of "one of the most embarrassing chapters in rock history," the Klosterman character responds:

"You can't argue with the artistic and emotional resonance MÖTLEY's music has had for their millions and millions of fans. That's the true cathartic soul of rock 'n' roll. It's not what the critics say; it's what the fans feel. Critics kiss Bob Dylan's ass, but to most rock fans, he's an incomprehensible folksy mushmouth."

Klosterman, who has never actually met Loder, said he could imagine saying something like that — if he were drunk.

"But I sort of like Bob Dylan and Kurt Loder, and I would never use the word 'mushmouth,' " said Klosterman during a phone interview from the Spin office in Manhattan.

How about the phrase "the true cathartic soul of rock 'n' roll"?

"Yeah, actually, I have said that, but I think I was describing Dave Pirner."

Klosterman does have a theory as to why screenwriter Rich Wilkes — whose resume includes "XXX", "The Jerky Boys" and "Airheads" — chose to use him as a character in the film.

"There are a limited number of rock critics who are stupid enough to like MÖTLEY CRÜE, and the other one (Neil Strauss) wrote the book, so I was the only one left."

Of course, the chances that the script in its current state will actually make it onto the screen are slim, at best. But on the off chance Klosterman makes the final cut of "The Dirt", would he want to play himself?

"If Kurt Loder said he would do it, I would do it," he said. "Otherwise, I'm going to demand they get that guy from 'Saturday Night Live' who was in 'Good Burger' (Kenan Thompson)."

Klosterman's third book, "Killing Yourself to Live", is due out on Scribner in July.