THE HAUNTED Frontman: All The Rage

THE HAUNTED frontman Peter Dolving has posted the following message on his MySpace page:

"There's something about Glasgow.

"I remember walking down the river one rainy morning back in 1994 or 95. Alone, feeling not quite as miserable as I mostly did back then. The feeling I've always had about this northern city, it's a sort of belonging.

"If it's the weather, or the people I don't really know, but everytime I've ever come here to play I feel like meet other human beings. People who not only listen but are open and eager to share their stories and lives. It makes me feel right at home.

"The show was one without expectations. Just us feeling really glad to be in Glasgow and play our music. It turned out to be one of the most intense shows on the tour so far.

"I'm still aching, feeling cleaned out inside hours afterwards, lying on the floor of the front lounge of the bus listening to a live recording from 1994 of BLIND MELON. Man, that band kicked so much ass it's unbelievable. Everyone where such great musicians, their free flow and lucidity in what they did is something so few seem to master. Shannon Hoon's blistering vocals and lyrics just blows me away too. Right now I don't know any band at all that play their rock like that. I feel it's something one should strive for as a musician, even with music as structured as ours. To somehow search for that place in yourself where the music just happens.

"A couple of nights ago in Newcastle I got dangerously close to getting in a fight. The whole gig these three assholes were showing off their dislike, just being complete fucking cum rags. The other 300 people in the club were really into it and getting well with it, so I don't know why I let it get to me, but I really felt like kicking these three guys asses and big time too. You know, a hospital-bound beatdown scenario; where people look at you with distaste and fear afterwards, as you sit with a broken hand, a blank expression and a dumb smile, feeling liberated and peaceful inside. I was going out there too. I blasted out from the backstage after having punched a hole in a wall on my way off stage, blood pouring from my hand, going for who I thought was one of them, but as I got out to him, I realized it was one of the dudes who'd been in the pit the whole show and we ended up hugging instead. That kind of got me back to normal, enough at least to take a deep breath and go take a shower. Standing with the cold water running over me slowly letting the adrenaline sink away I become human again, and I realized how fucking stupid it would have been. I mean when it comes down to it, those three paid to get in. Now if they want to pay to stand and dislike what we do that's perfectly allright too. It's not like our music changes, and the folks who love it as much as we do are really the ones that matter... I didn't fuck my hand up too bad, just a few cuts and bruises, and the wall cost £50 — I figure that's a fair cost for one hell of a show though...

"John Lennon wrote 'They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool...' It's true, you know.

"I think there's a part of me that will never grow out of oppositional rage against bullies, supremascist assholes and people who honestly in their hearts believe they are some kind of authoritarian little elite. I know I'd probably stand to gain a great deal of peace inside if I did, and I really wish I wouldn't feel as much rage as I do. But I do. The violence in me is always there, thankfully I have a channel for it through the music and words. I know I'm not alone with feeling the way I do. That blind blistering rage reflects how fucking sad I get when I see people disrespect other people. Knowing it's there helps me understand how important love is. And the only thing that can flow right through the rage and soothe it; Love. The one thing that touches me through the electrified numbness of the fury I carry inside.

"No I don't hate my rage, it makes me sad, that's all. Very sad.

"On the ferry to Ireland me and the guys were talking about impulse control and adrenaline, it's funny how we all have such completetly different references. The bass player of WOLF (when he's not on tour with the coolest Swedish New Wave Of British Heavy Metal bands in the world... except for RAM, of course...),he works with kids who have my type of problem and for to hear him tell stories is like having a mirror placed infront of me. But it doesn't scare me anymore.

"The fact that there's an awareness today that some of us actually have a need for extra attention, and zen-like disciplines... That it is a kind of malfunction in our biochemistry. It feels comforting.

"We're not freaks. Nor are we complete fucking psychos, it's just how we came to be. Some have allergies, or diabetes. Some are born with psoriasis or are lactose intolerant. Attention disorders and impulse control problems is painful stuff. Acting on impulse, with no way of explaining how I could do I did, even when I know it will carry negative consequences, it is excruciatingly painful. You lose faith in yourself. Everything is tainted by a this non-descript feeling of being a 'monster.' Out of control.
"When I grew up, I know a lot of kids in the different schools I went to feared me, and found me hilarious. I don't blame them. I was so easy to trigger and I watching me twitch and struggle with my confusion not knowing what to do with myself must have been funny as fuck if you are 'normal' kid or a bully. For those who where just bystanders it must have been scary. A kid just like yourself, who most of the time seemed completetly normal, would sometimes break, smash and tear his surroundings for reasons you just couldn't understand.

"I would rip my own clothes, smash my head into walls, break my hands on things, and sometimes just walk out mid-class for no apparent reason. And attack people who bullied me, or others. Tiny Tim With A Vengeance — The Saga Continues...

"But the most painful part of it all was when it came to learning.

"Depending on the teacher; and my grades tell the story. They were erratic. I would either excel, or come off as a total moron. There would be periods of say six months, where I could not for the life of me understand what my math teacher, or any other subject for that matter would want me to do. Every cell in me protested. I'd ask how, he'd explain, then I'd ask why, the teacher would tell me, I'd explain that it would not solve the problem and he'd be lost of words.

"For me math was something I found especially hard to grasp. I know now it was simply because no one told me mathematics are built on general theorems and the application of defined formulas. The formulas don't change (though the individual problems consisting of different factors do),also noone saw it suitable to explain that problems are not a conflict, simply an explanation to the relation of factors. So, I could never get past what I percieved I saw every time I faced a new problem. In my head an new solution was necessary. I saw conflict, no the actual image.

"It was a nightmare. I felt retarded. I know everyone else thought I was too. For some time I got a teacher who somehow saw what was happening. She would just remind me of the equation and tell me to relax and not stress — it worked. For the full duration of time she was my teacher — I scored straight A's until again I moved to a new school, and the rollercoaster started over again.

"Tonight we play the Academy in Birmingham, I'm fucking worn, but it'll be good. As long as I make sure to get enough sleep, it'll all be good..."