THE HAUNTED Frontman On Great Ideas

April 12, 2007

THE HAUNTED frontman Peter Dolving has posted the following message on his MySpace page:

"Crystalized Black Flag Insect Repellant. Taste those words. You know that's not healthy. I mean you can tell just saying that. It sounds kinda like Death Through Chemical Warfare. My uncle is a really cool dude with a big old Buffalo Bill moustache, who lives and works up in Seattle. Now some weeks ago, a guy he works with started looking pale. Like he was losing sleep or something.

"The paleness turned greyish over the next two weeks, and within a couple of more days the guy was developing these yellow and purple streak in his grey/bluish skintone. It turns out the kid had gotten the following brilliant idea; He mounted some metallic screen sheet, you the kind of stuff you use for screen doors to keep flies and mosquitos out, and set up an electric current to it. He'd then spray the Black Flag insect repellant through it, so the stuff crystallized in the the electrified screen. Next he'd remove the crystalized poison and smoke it to get high. Oh yeah. He figured the electricity would neutralize all the bad stuff...

"How does anyone come up with something like that? Wouldn't it have been great if the guards at say Treblinka or Auschwitz would have come up with that. You know, 'Heinrich, you are looking pale there bubka...', 'Oh it's nothing, really, here take swig of this man. Cyklon B vodka...', 'Oh shit that's some harsh stuff...'

"People in Germany, man. The whole thing with what happened back in the days of Hitler and all his crazy-ass macho control freak buddies. Sometimes when I talk to people in Germany it's as if they think I'm about to blame them for what happened back then. Who cares anymore, unless you're a total nutter. Yes, it was horrendous, but think about it — back in those days people believed the size of your head determined your basic characteristics, intelligence and personality... Hello?

"It's that whole guilt trip thing. Christianity has really got all that down a science. A Christian God, of course, being the only sollution to all that ails man. For everything bad that ever happened in history, yep — 'INHERIT SIN! We are evil and destructive by nature!' Oh, suck my salty creme brulee balls, OK! We are not evil. We just don't got the information we need. We're a little dumb, OK? There is nothing hereditary about doing fucked up shit. You either do it, or you don't. For every messed up atrocity man has come up with we do slowly learn from them. And yes, I admit, like little kids we try to manipulate and squirm our way around reality and the history so far. There's still a lot of people out there who actually believe waging war is going to solve things, but think about this; for as slow as we are when it comes to accepting change, we have gotten ever so slightly more humane even when it comes to war. At least people won't accept sending their kids off with quiet the same crazed fervor as they did only fifty years ago. You are not considered a complete enemy of state for questioning your goverment which was the case in the sixties. And the draft is all but gone in the western world. We could even find gay porn sold on the net by a bunch of dudes in the US Airborne over in Iraq last year. Sure they all got fired. But a hundred years ago — those dudes would have ate a bullet each, and some, after being beat to a pulp, after which they'd have publically humiliated and their entire families would have been made outcasts. I think they should just have given their testosterone-driven fuck bonanza away for free. Get that stuff up on YouTube man. Fuck, use it for a commercial; 'Are you ready for the challenge of a lifetime? Opportunities to travel beyond the realms of ordinary men? If you want it hard, GO ARMY!' I think they deserve a Congressional medal of honor for making the US elite troops look slightly more human. Because if you're crazy enough to set up an Internet franchise where you're fucking and sucking your best buddies in kakhis on camera in the middle of a modern equivalent of what went down in Vietnam, that's about as fucking human as it gets. And if their plan was to get send home, that's brilliant... The best part though, something I don't have verified; and I'm really hoping someone will interview these guys and ask them about it, is that allegedly they were all straight... Go figure."

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