DOG FACED GODS

Quite possibly the worst band I've heard this year, and that includes a lot of demo band CD-Rs, DOG FACED GODS seem to have been picked up mainly due to the novelty of their Native American heritage. I hate it when this sort of thing happens — it heaps undue attention upon a band not ready for the limelight, and reinforces stereotypes that end up doing more harm than good to the ethnic group in question. Did anyone run out and chase down more Russian metal when GORKY PARK came out? Bad metal, like love, sees no color, and suck knows no boundaries.

DOG FACED GODS are one of those bands that throw all kinds of styles against the wall, badly, and hope one sticks. Opener "Desperately" could be mistaken for some NICKELBACK or CREED slop, if not for the bargain-basement production (awful drums, thin guitars) and the dullsville vocals. "Brings Me Down" adds some corny hip-hop attitude and a ridiculous sounding scream in the chorus (hey, those level meters on the mixing board are there for a reason — try not to completely shit on your own recording by blowing them out). "Earth Is Hell" is soggy rap-metal, while the obligatory 420 song, "Water Pipe Bong", dazzles us with the immortal poetry "It's not a water pipe, it's a bong / bong bong bong bong bong." Oh, and the "recording the band hitting the bong and giggling" thing has been played out for about twenty years now, fellas.

More bad rap-metal and worse ballads close out this fifteen-track horsepill, the nadir being a pointless cover of LYNYRD SKYNYRD's "Simple Man" and a "rap version" of "Stand Alone". Like a bad car wreck of P.O.D., KORN and PUDDLE OF MUDD recorded with practice amps, this is nothing you couldn't hear on amateur night at any local dive worth its pay-to-play tickets.

"Stoned Council" sounds like ass, the songs are boring, the vocals are weak, the lyrics are stupid, and the whole thing comes off like a bad demo from the winner of some no-hope mid-week Battle of the Bands in Bumfuck, Minnesota. I really do try to accentuate the positive, but there's nothing here to accentuate — this is a band that needs to spend a couple more years finding their own voice, rehearsing, getting better gear and learning to record it. This just sucks – what a waste of a perfectly good TESTAMENT song title.