PAPA ROACH's JACOBY SHADDIX On Giving His Life To God: 'I'm A Full-Blown Believer Now'

During an appearance on the latest episode of the "Dumb Blonde" celebrity podcast, hosted by Bunnie XO (real name: Alisa DeFord),wife of country singer Jelly Roll, PAPA ROACH frontman Jacoby Shaddix spoke about giving his life to God in early 2013, several months after becoming exhausted from the never-ending cycle of hurt and hangovers as a result of his hard-partying past. He said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET): "I'll tell you this: my faith walk, it's been like a wrestling match. It started with my sobriety. I started going to meetings and going to recovery houses and stuff like that. And they're, like, 'You need to find God or a God of your understanding.' And it was a journey for me for years.

"I'll tell you: the two things I never wanted to be in my life was sober and a Christian," he continued. "And here I am now — a follower, a sober guy. But it was a rocky path to find that, and a lot of failure and a lot of questioning. Turning my will over to God and following and then taking it all back and then living my way and then repeatedly finding myself just in that deep dark hole. And when I finally put the bottle down and really, it was like that foxhole prayer, where I'm just, like, 'God, do you just hear me? Can you hear me? I need a miraculous change. I need something beyond what I can do.' 'Cause I kept trying to control the change in my life. And it just — the walls fell."

Shaddix added: "I had a fellow that I was real close with that kind of walked my faith journey out with me, and I was very skeptical and very, like, 'These church people are weird.' And then when I saw this faith walk alive in front of me and somebody talking the talk and walking the walk, and I saw the transformation, it became alive to me. And I was less fearful of, 'All right. I'll try to believe.' And then it became, like, I'm a full-blown believer now. I'm doing a bible study with a buddy of mine, and it's tripping me out because I'm starting to experience different levels of freedom, of bondage of self. And things that maybe I once thought were acceptable in my life, now I'm, like, 'Ah, man, that ain't serving you, man. It's not not working for you anymore. It's hindering your growth. It's messing up relationships. This is a little secret that you're keeping back, tucked away over here.' You know what I mean? And the more that I purge these things and turn it over and just walk in the light, I feel like it's the way, it's the path. 'Cause I've tried the other way, the whole rock and roll [lifestyle].'"

Jacoby went on to admit that he was initially reluctant to discuss his faith journey publicly. "I didn't wanna share it with people, because I felt that it wasn't edgy and it wasn't rock and roll," he explained. "And I'm, like, again, I'm not here to prove that I'm edgy and rock and roll. I'd done lived it and I saw where it was taking me. And then I watched the VH1 specials, like, for instance, of bands like, say, AEROSMITH, and you hear this downward spiral and this just wreckage and the families falling apart. And I'm, like, I'm trying to like break that chain. I'm here trying to break that chain. I ain't trying to repeat. 'Cause the Shaddix family, where I'm from, my people, I come from a long line of alcoholics, cheaters, broken people, murderers, that type of lineage. So I'm, like, 'That's not who I am. That's not why I'm here. That's not me.'"

Prior to embracing Christ, Shaddix told the attendees of Capital Christian Church that he "had no idea" what he was praying to. "I believed in a higher power; I just didn't know what it was," he said five years ago. "I didn't have a pinpoint accuracy on it, which that was soon to change. But it was just an honest prayer from the heart: 'My God, just come save me. I can't do this on my own. I am broken. I've tried my life my way over and over. I keep going out on the road and I keep falling apart. I'll stay sober for a while and then I'll fall apart and then I'll get back in that same place of just ultimate destruction. And I just had that honest prayer. And that's when the tide started to turn in my life, just at that moment."

Fourteen years ago, as PAPA ROACH was working on its 2012 album "The Connection", the singer was hitting rock bottom. He had been battling his addictions for a decade, moving from periods where he cleaned up and went on the wagon, only to relapse back into the same behaviors. After the near-dissolution of his marriage and a battle with suicidal depression, the singer is now clean and sober.

In a 2019 interview with U.K.'s Kerrang! magazine, Jacoby was asked how much of a role his faith has played in getting him through the more difficult periods in his life. He responded: "It's been key for me. I follow a man named Jesus and I think he's awesome. Unfortunately, there are a lot of terrible fucking Christians out there, but when living in a relationship with my higher power, I feel like I'm clicked in to the ultimate power in the fucking universe. Don't get it twisted — I've certainly had my struggles and failures in my spiritual life, but my walk with God has been one that's evolved over the years."

Photo credit: Bryson Roatch