THE HAUNTED Frontman Wants To Know: 'Do Women In The U.S. Really Douche?'

THE HAUNTED frontman Peter Dolving has posted the following message on his MySpace page:

"So Stateside, once again. It's great being back in the US.

"I got no clue what's to make of it all this time around. Got no crazy expectations but something that's been keeping me curious for a couple of years is this: Do women in the United States really douche? I mean really? I need to know, for some reason I really need to know. You know, if they do — that's pretty fucking orthodox.

"Why would a woman in her right mind do something as completely cuckoo as flush her insides with anything else than at most plain water? If that... I mean what's the deal here? The Poon Tang — that absolute miracle of nature. That wonderous beautiful thing that can hold and nurture new life and let it out. That can make men and women shiver and moan. That can smell and taste like fresh honey or old fish all depending on whether she is fertile right then and there or not. The Pussy Is Go! OK?

"But no. It's like some folks have the idea that a woman's vagina is some putrified unclean and detatched entity in need of purification from its own unholy mucus-lined nastiness? Hello?! The fact that the human body cleans itself may have illuded these people who must actually be picking up those little 'hygiene' kits you see on the shelves next to Tampax economy packs and panty protection. In Europe douching is filed under the 'special preferences' section at the adult video store, together with beastiality and rubbing feces all over yourself. And is more commonly in practice by sex workers attempting to avoid STDs. OK?

"All that stuff that teenage girls freak out about anyone seeing in their panties, that ain't no stains o' shame. That's what the female body does. Just use a new pair of panties everyday. But nooooo. Instead it's the parade of panty 'protection,' panty 'liners' etc. It's allright you know — just buy more panties and wash your thang. Well, that's how I see it...

"Alright, so I buy the kink argument, the potential BDSM side of it all, and sure, I have all the understanding of trying to wash away having had someone inside you. Someone you really might not have wanted there in the first place. But the others?

"Really, get with this — people who so fear the human body that they need to irradicate the sheer truth of it all — true champions of all that's wrong with this world. Decimating it all to some level of non animalistic, antibacterial nutcase ritual. Defying all that is nature. These people are truly utterly fucked and fucked again. Living in perpetual fear, of smell and taste. Silently condoning extreme overweight due to lack of healthy diets and exercise. Promoting anorexia and bulemia by participating in selling the lie of the idealized superhuman. Promoting looks and achievements so twisted it's beyond words. Willfully misinterpeting natural senses as wrongful, and drowning them out, burning off recognition of the animal in us all. Cashing in on the pointless dream of human success through material wealth and superficial beauty. One word folks — 'Jikes!'

"I'm not even gonna get into botox, implants and surgical removal or correctional surgery of the labia... Fuck all that bullshit.

"Back to rock land. The shows so far are going really well, seeing from the first week. Tuesday night in St Petersburg was kinda so-so as far as attendance, but the kids who came out to the show were great and we had a good time. Meeting Tony Laureano from the seminal ANGELCORPSE (he's doing a U.S. tour with 1349 right now. Unlike most other black metal bands, 1349 actually rock!) and Mike Browning from NOCTURNUS! Yeah, that was cool, man.

"The Palladium in Worcester, Mass, was sweet, 600 metalheads showed up — we were expecting fifty, so you get the picture. Feels like we're kinda getting a grip on THE HAUNTED fans — degenerates... just like us. Mostly anyone with a heart in their bodies basically. I guess there's really nothing strange about it, since we're not trying to be some hip cooler than thou band or nothing, we're just us. THE HAUNTED. It works for us. So you're all invited, obviously...

"Strippers... Always the subject that comes up on tour. One of my friends here in the U.S. went to a strip bar the other night. I'm not passing judgement here, just feeling endlessly bewildered. See, after been a touring musician for most of my adult life it still don't make sense to me... Pay someone for taking their clothes off because... we can? Then pay them more if they somehow manage to exite us, or something...

"Did I get something wrong when I figure that it doesn't make it any less sexist if a woman is paying for the service?

"Hell, I appreciate the human body as much as anyone, maybe even more than most, but paying for make-believe seduction that don't even go anywhere? And no, I'm not trying to put anyone out of a job either, it just don't feel right somehow. It's not I haven't frequented strip joints, but I always felt kind of out of place you know. Sitting on my ass, slowly getting drunk as women of different age and shape contort and shake their genitals at me. 'Oh, look at that ass bounce...' and 'Yes, she can actually spin and propell her nipples!' Sure, strippers are truly physical artists. But where is the reward for the person who pays that artist? Where is the payback? 'Man! Do you know do what I did last night? I gave all my money to this dancing naked person. Man I almost came in my pants. So now I'm kind of broke, I have a hangover and I'm feeling slightly disgusted by myself. Cool, next time maybe I can pay someone to scare me too...'

"It's like trying to get laid, but without the 'laid.' Springing the bill for the sake of springing the bill. It's pretty dumbass when you think about. To each his own I guess.

"I'd rather find myself getting down and dirty with someone I care for on a bright summer day. The windows wide open and the breeze on our skin and the smell human being filling my senses. Plain fucking. Good stuff. But it don't quiet cut it without all the good stuff like respect, selflessness, caring, honesty and humility.

"Yeah, I know, that doesn't even sound sexy to me. But when it comes down to it - those are really the things that make it get really, really hot. It doesn't really matter if you want to dress all that sweet trust and mutuality in leather and latex, dip it in Crisco and slide it around a dungeon, or just get bare naked in the middle of the woods, or the back of your car with the one you desire to get it on; it's still those things that make it hot."