ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA

So let's take a poll: how much do you think Jason Newsted paid someone to have that bass head dropped on his arm (if that well-timed incident actually happened, that is)? Whatever the price was, it couldn't have been too high to extricate the former METALLICA bassist from the debacle known by the cheesy name of ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA.

Conceived for the second season of the "Rock Star" reality series, ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA (which had to add the series name to its monicker after the show's big-money lawyers and arrogant producers failed to intimidate a California punk band that has owned the name for 20 years) brought together Newsted with washed-up was-in-GUNS-N-ROSES-for-a-minute guitarist Gilby Clarke and hideously overexposed, leathery MÖTLEY CRÜE drummer Tommy Lee.

The threesome spent the series looking for their lead singer, with Canadian-born Lukas Rossi the last one standing after all the other contestants were eliminated. Immediately going into the studio with producer Butch Walker to capitalize on the series' publicity, this manufactured-for-mass-consumption outfit has churned out its self-titled debut, although Newsted has since left the fold after his "accident" (the producers dug ex-BLACK CROWES bassist Johnny Colt out of the grave to take his place).

Let's stop right there for a second. There's numerous issues with ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA the band, one of the most notable being that none of the three previously known musicians were the main songwriters in their respective bands (we're not counting the first FLOTSAM AND JETSAM album for Newsted). But the biggest problem here is simply that real, organic, from-the-heart rock music is not something you can throw together on a television show like Rachael Ray cooking a fucking recipe. Bands are like gangs, they come up together with shared experiences and a shared passion for making music that comes from their souls, while everyone involved with "Rock Star" just seems to have a shared passion for celebrity status, product placement and cash (yes, we're also looking at you, co-host and media whore Dave Navarro). We've seen even so-called supergroups like AUDIOSLAVE and VELVET REVOLVER deliver less-than-inspired efforts, so the idea that a rock band could be formed in front of TV cameras is ludicrous — the modern-day version of the MONKEES.

So how does ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA stack up as an actual band? As might be expected from a studio concoction, with producing and co-writing credits from the ultra-slick Walker, this is lowest-common-denominator stuff, a mix of formula "rock radio" mush like "It's All Love", unspeakable ballads like "Can't Bring Myself To Light This Fuse" and bouncy glam rock vaguely taking its cue from Seventies flash rockers like SWEET and SLADE on alleged anthems like "Be Yourself (and 5 Other Cliches)". Rossi's personality-free vocals are buried under numerous layers of production and overdubs, and even when he does break through he over-emotes nearly every line. Newsted and Clarke fail to make much of a mark, while the only one here who delivers a memorable performance is Lee, whose solid (and really loud — did he mix this thing?) slamming behind the kit is actually the one element that remotely keeps the album moving.

This is empty music, played by three reasonably talented musicians who should have known better but somehow got seduced by the braindead, "gotta-be-on-TV" celebrity culture that permeates every walk of life these days. With no distinct style to speak of, no chemistry and no real artistic drive other than to promote their TV show, ROCK STAR SUPERNOVA is just another end-product of the "American Idol" mentality of selling music.

Rossi probably doesn't know any better, but Newsted, Lee and Clarke should be embarrassed. Even the MONKEES had some funny lines and a few memorable tunes.