Rockabye Baby!

Consider this more a public service announcement than a review, aimed at those of you who've defied stereotype by leaving your parents' basement and actually, like, doing it and making babies and stuff. Let's face it, only the grimmest among us would consider blasting DEICIDE at our sleeping spawn, and while every tot appreciates a nice AROGAPHOBIC NOSEBLEED onesie, at some point you just gotta admit that, until they're off the tit and crawling at least, babies might wanna listen to something that isn't metal.

So here's the next best thing — AC/DC classics redone with chimes and soothing keyboards as lullabies! While they could have gotten a little more creative with the titles (I was expecting "Horton Hears a Who Made Who" or "Thumb-ter-suck"),these are cleverly arranged and retain the melodies and structure, if little of the swagger and spit, of the originals. There are no vocals, of course (how funny would that have been?),just drowsy instrumentals even more innocuous and soothing than the Muzak version you mighta heard at the grocery store.

Let's face a few facts here: babies don't give a rat's ass about the street cred, or lack thereof, of their entertainment. If they did, those nancyboys The Wiggles wouldn't make more money than AC/DC per year (and they do). Bottom line, if you're being honest with yourself, is that this is more about you than the baby. And that's okay – after all, who wants to be the dweeb rocking out to Raffi when their childless metalhead friends stop over? (Someone please consult the records department, I believe I've made the first Raffi reference in the history of BLABBERMOUTH.NET.) So you get to look like the cool parent, and the kid is happy because the music is chimey and sounds like teddybears on parade – everyone wins.

If AC/DC isn't your thing (and if that's the case, then you suck) the same company has released lullaby versions of hits by everyone from METALLICA to QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE to GREEN DAY to NIRVANA to LED ZEPPELIN. It's a cute idea, and it'd make a nice present for your friend who's currently losing his shit because of that recent phone call from his girlfriend, if you're not currently saddled with offspring. Who knows, if enough longhairs start buying their CD's, the company might grace us with "Burped, Changed and Swaddled: Lullaby Renditions of CANNIBAL CORPSE"… "Slaughter of the Soothie?"… "Storm of the Night-light's Bane"? "Crawler In the Yard"? The mind boggles.