July 12, 2002

The following is a re-posting of the latest installment of ANTHRAX guitarist Scott Ian's regular online column, dubbed "Alpha Mail", as it appears on the group's official web site at

"Comrades, I went to see CHEAP TRICK Tuesday night and all I can say is HOOOLLLLYYYYYY SHHHHIIIIIITTTT!!! They just get better and better. They still have the fire. They were playing like it was 1977 at the Palladium in NYC. I know. I was there. They seem more like a bunch of hungry kids than a band that's been around since 1974. They really put any of today's so-called rock or pop bands to shame. And ya know why? Because they have songs. Perfectly written pop songs. And pop songs don't have to be gay if they are good. And their songs are great. Were THE BEATLES gay? CHEAP TRICK are my BEATLES because I was old enough in 1977 to understand how good they were. I was too young for THE BEATLES in their heyday. And by reverse osmosis they made me appreciate THE BEATLES even more because where do you think CHEAP TRICK, as well as almost everyone else comes from?

"That's right, THE BEATLES.

"ZEP? Yep. SABBATH. Uh huh.

"I digress.

"They busted out 'He's A Whore' from the first record as well as 'Mandocello'. Every word Robin sang, every lick from Rick, Tom's giant 12 string bass bomb, and Bun E's pounding are all a part of me. It's in my blood. I know it like I know how to read. They sound as fresh today as they did 25 years ago. How many bands can say that? CHEAP TRICK still has the edge that AEROSMITH and KISS wish they had. They played four new songs from their forthcoming new record that echoed material from 'Heaven Tonight' and 'Dream Police'. You can see by the big gay smile on my face in the pictures how much fun I had. I'm still buzzing from it 24 hours later. There's nothing like a great rock show to put you in a fucking killer mood. Thanks guys. You rock.

"I've got a couple of other thing's to bring up.

"First, since when is Michael Jackson black? This freak can't sell records because he's an accused pedophile, so he goes and blames Sony. Now normally I would never, ever side with a label but this is too much. This jackass has made millions and millions and we're supposed to feel sorry for his white ass? What a joke. Jackson and Sharpton. Even Sharpton backed away from Jackson's racist accusations against Sony chief Tommy Mottola. Will the black community support this crap? He's spent the last however many years turning into an alien Liza Minnelli and he wants support from the black community? Supposedly, he's been borrowing millions from Sony and now it's time to settle up, and he's afraid they're going to get his publishing company which owns the rights to THE BEATLES catalog among others. Fuck this guy. He hasn't made a listenable record since Bad. Maybe if he didn't spend the last fifteen years hanging out with children and monkeys, he'd still have a career. He missed his calling. He should've been a priest. Ya gotta love when someone like him start's on a downward spiral into real insanity. They're gonna find him when some half naked kid escapes from his motel room and runs to the cops. Kind of like Dahmer. Except this time the cops won't bring the kid back.

"Second, I read some quote on from Munky of KORN. He said he believed that Hitler went to heaven because he believed in his heart that what he was doing was right. Don't we all. This one is too retarded to even go off on. If he really believes that, I guess he'll go to heaven too, and Hitler will throw his dreadlocked non-Aryan butt (I already used ass) into an oven. Boy will he be happy then.

"I don't believe in heaven."

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